Dealing With Difficult Learners: Part II

TeamOJT Tip of the Month for December, 2006

December's Tip of the Month is a continuation of the four part series on dealing with difficult learners (November, 2006 through February, 2007).

Again, keep in mind as you work with difficult learners to always go with their style. Remember the rule of thumb - if you don't know what to do, do the unexpected.

The second type of difficult learner is the Pleaser. The following is a description of some typical behavior you might expect from a trainee with this style followed by tips for dealing with Pleasers.

The PLEASERS

The Problem

You really have to be alert to Pleasers. Their motto is, "What you want is what you get." They will watch you like a hawk to determine exactly what you want. And they will do anything to see that you get it. For example, they will not admit that they do not understand something because that would displease you. They desperately want to please, and will indulge, please, and gratify you if they can. Pleasers simply have to be liked by others. They find significance by keeping the peace. They may follow the Willie Loman complex in Death of a Salesman - Willie keeps on telling anybody who will listen that the most important thing in life is to be popular. In a training or coaching situation they will go to great lengths to please you and will feel pain if they don't succeed.

Pleasers run into all kinds of problems in training. If given two choices, they retreat. How could they possibly risk displeasing you by making the "wrong" choice? They have super God-like goals and accept nothing short of perfection. They will underrate the value of their work and abilities, and unless pushed, will work beneath their abilities. These learners are extremely sensitive to criticism - by giving them good words or bad, you can influence their behavior at any time. Some are so sensitive that they just curl up and wither if criticized. A typical attitude is, "I am embarrassed or humiliated easily, I blush easily. Therefore, the less you know about me the less you can criticize me." Many maintain a great facade. When discouragement really sets in, they will assume a disability and avoid the training or task if possible.

They generally have no feeling of, "I am," "I like," or "I want," because they are too focused on what everyone else wants.

Tips for Dealing With Pleasers

1. Show complete acceptance at all times by not rejecting anything they say or do (i.e., go with their style.).
2. Empathize by understanding that they are so focused on what you want that they will deny what they really need. Ask what they like.
3. Show confidence by pointing out their capabilities.
4. Build on strong points. Pleasers are energetic and have excellent observation skills. When encouraged, they are great advocates and work extremely well in the entertainment and service industries. They're terrific listening posts. Suggest they help other learners with a task. Get them involved.
5. Frequently let them know you appreciate their effort and improvement, especially when the outcome isn't particularly good.
6. Align with their goal of peace. Let them know what you would like from them so they don't have to guess. To avoid further discouragement, never show that you are displeased. Find something specific they can do for you to allow them to please.
7. Set realistic learning goals - be careful that they do not set super God-like goals. Work to find out what they want out of training. Make sure they do not work beneath their abilities.
8. When coaching, be specific. Challenge them to think, but don't give choices; suggest alternatives instead. When they say, "Yes, I understand," check it out by asking open-ended questions that start with "What," "Why," "When," "Where," or "How."
9. Feedback should be very specific and positive - be energetic yourself.
10. When evaluating performance, never indicate you want perfection - remember the super God-like goals!
11. Ask for a self-evaluation; help them focus on their performance - not what pleases you.
12. To avoid discouraging yourself, don't give in to their demands for approval. Be kind but firm, and encourage yourself!

For more detailed information, download my article, Modifying Motivation: Encouraging Difficult Learners.

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